is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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