I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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