You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
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The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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