wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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