I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
