Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
