Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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