i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
