yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
