ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
