I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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