Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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