cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
