bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
