So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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