jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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