Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
