i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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