I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We need to get me chipped asap
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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