If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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