im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
