then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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