my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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