yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
