You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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