she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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