Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
