My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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