I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
