Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
