I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
