I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
