i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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