we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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