I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
