Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
