i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
