I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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