he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
