So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
