I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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