come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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