I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
