i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dignity is for republicans.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
