Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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