In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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