I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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