They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
