he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
