so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
