I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
