she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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