As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize