Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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