new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
