Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
