he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
