Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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