I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
