Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize