Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
